What happens when you drive for the first time in 2 months

Last weekend was the first time I had driven in over two months. I rented a car for the weekend to visit family and to go to a former colleague's retirement party in Southwest Michigan. And, apparently, when you sign up to rent the "standard" car, you end up with a huge SUV-type thing with key-less ignition. I felt like a soccer mom from outer space. If soccer moms drove around outer space with Ohio tags.

Hey back at you, Ohio license plate.

Even though I can't say I've missed driving that much, I have missed a few things about driving -- like grocery runs that don't take two hours and the lugging of my old lady grocery cart through the weedy, sidewalk-less sides of the road. I was also really curious to see how I'd feel driving after two months being wheelless.

Whelp, in case you're also curious, this is how it went...

First stop: Target. Because I'm basic, y'all.  

I started my weekend with a Target run where I wandered the aisles aimlessly looking at all the things I could buy now that I temporarily had enough cargo space to haul a family of miniature horses. But, despite staring longingly at cat mugs and fake cacti and candy-colored KitchenAid mixers, I managed to walk out of the store with nothing more than a birthday present for my nephew.

I made another stop at the nearby Meijer to return some cans and, again, stare longingly at all the things I could buy because I didn't have to worry about everything fitting into my backpack. But, yet, again, I managed to walk out of the store with nothing more than a box of Cheez-its.

Road trip essentials, y'all.

YOU GUYS, WHO EVEN AM I ANY MORE?

Two short months without a car and I've become one of those people who just buys things she needs.

*shudder*

Uh, driving is super boring, you guys. 

After two hours of being on the road, I was ready to call it quits. I'd flipped through all the radio stations, fiddled with the GPS, and broken into the Cheez-its. I'd stopped at two rest stops and a Starbucks. Even with an iced caramel macchiato coursing through my veins, I felt bored and annoyed and just plain DONE.

Save meeeeeee!

Sure, I spend almost two hours on the bus going to and from work everyday, but I don't have to actually pay attention to anything during those two hours. I can just space out or stare at my Facebook feed or take online quizzes to find out what kind of potato I am. I can put on my headphones to block out the sound of my bus neighbors having intimate conversations on their cell phones about their failed relationships or successful skin rashes. I can even close my eyes to block out the sight of those skin rashes. It doesn't really matter what I do on the bus because nobody's going to die.

But you can't really space out or close your eyes while driving an SUV-type vehicle because people might die. Including me. And then I'll never be able to live up to my true potential... which, according to the online quiz about what kind of potato I am, my true potential is that of a French fry. Which you have to admit is pretty exciting. I have always wanted to be French...

Sure, I could walk there, but is there parking?

In the past two months of being carless, I've walked a LOT. I've walked so much even my Fitbit is like, "Ummm, can we just sit down a minute because this is getting a bit ridiculous?"

But in the two days of having a car, I kind of forgot I could use my feet to do stuff... like to walk to places.

At one point, I wanted to stop at a park in downtown Kalamazoo to take some pictures before meeting a friend for coffee at a nearby cafe.

As I was parking in front of the park and thinking about how I'd have to drive to the cafe and find another place to park, I had the sudden realization that, wait, I COULD JUST WALK THERE.

As I was walking to the cafe, I came across a cute alleyway strung with lights and a mural I'd never seen before and I stopped into a bakery to buy bread and discovered a few new places that had opened since I'd moved away from Kalamazoo.

Howdy, Kalamazoo!

I thought to myself, "Hey, this walking thing is neat. I should do it more often."

And my Fitbit was like, "Are you for real, girl?"

And then I bought ALL THE THINGS.

On my way home, I had exactly thirty minutes in an Aldi's before it closed to buy all the things I could possibly need or want for the next few weeks. 

By the time I reached the checkout lane, my cart was so full, you would have thought I had five ravenous kids at home -- but, like, five ravenous kids who were about to be sorely disappointed because my cart was full of bulk bags of kale, cartons of quinoa, and a package of toilet paper rolls so big it's called "Club Sized". 

While I still only bought stuff that I needed, I do have to admit it was kind of exhilarating to once again be able to throw things into my cart without a worry as to how it was all going to fit into my old lady grocery cart or my backpack. 

Before turning in my soccer-mom space-mobile to the rental place when I got home, I briefly thought about taking it for one last spin. I could go back to Target and do a real Target run -- the kind that results in your buying things you truly don't need like a bomber jacket for a chihuahua you don't own. 

But I didn't. 

Maybe now I am one of those people who only buys stuff that she needs. Maybe I'm not a French fry after all, but a boring old baked potato. But a boring old baked potato who knows how to drive a spaceship, so that can't be all bad, can it?